Sullen

Geez, my last post made me feel like I'm such an old sourpuss. I actually don't feel that way. I'm just turning 25, for Pete's sake. But yeah, whenever I'm not with friends, I turn into this dour, humorless, boring guy.

For example, people at work see me as a snob. Mahirap daw ako pakisamahan. But you know what? I couldn't help it. The time I spent at work was the same time I learned about my status. Naturally I was at my wits' end trying to stay productive despite of having this virus wreaking havoc in my body, that's all! I mean, who would stay all happy-cheery during those days, right? Worst part is, I can't explain it to them why I was so grumpy. All they knew was that I'm a bitch. I was good at what I do, yes, but I was a bitch. At least it was easy to leave.

But that has left me wondering, how long am I gonna stay this way? I dislike being an asshole. I'm a nice person by default. Too nice to the point of boredom. Seriously, I've no social skills whatsoever. It's a good thing though that I'm past trying to please everyone around me. But still, it bugs me every once in a while.

Grand Scale

Okay, so I've been doing a lot of stuff lately. Since knowing about my status, it felt like time is running out, and if I will ever make any difference, it has to be at the soonest time possible. That to me meant leaving my current job and getting on a career track that would allow me to reach out to as many PLWHAs as I possibly can the way I know how.

I enrolled in graduate school. It's something I've wanted to do from the very beginning - to pursue the highest degree I can possibly attain. My motivation back then was just to gain bragging rights; I wanted to show people around me that I can make something out of my being a nerd. Now that I'm actually doing it, I've a different reason for enrolling: I want to help. Being able to take up a higher degree opens more avenues for me to aid the cause. I want to join the movers-and-shakers of the PLWHA community in the country and improve our lives further. I want to help in making sure that if there are new developments for the condition, it reaches the Philippine shores.

Everyone of us is born into this world not simply to become a passive observer, but an interactive participant. Our uniqueness allows us to make contributions to society the way we know best. There's no big or small when it comes to helping others, what matters is that we do our part. I can't wait to get started on mine.

I can't wait, because it's the only way I can redeem myself.